But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33
…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
I’m finding much comfort in these words today, and praying the Lord make the teaching go deep into my heart.
I’ve been feeling unsettled (anxious) about my school work. The Lord has granted me to have my classes and books paid for by a grant made to my college, the purpose of that grant being to get adults who are unemployed or underemployed into gainful employment. However, the program in which I’m currently taking part is an accelerated one, where semester long classes are condensed into just a few weeks. I am struggling against fear, doubt, and pride since I am not able to learn to the concepts as quickly as the other students.
I want to have my own place again and to have a job that allows me to pay my own bills without depending on others, and I know that working and supporting yourself is good and Biblical. We’re called to work. To be diligent. To not be slothful. To be thankful to God for the ability to work and make wealth. Wanting to work is a good desire, but I have succumbed to the temptation to leave off my devotions and plunge into schoolwork each day, fearing that opportunities for work will pass me by if I don’t learn enough and become skillful enough before our applications for internships begin in a few weeks. The results have been disastrous spiritually.
A retreat with the ladies from my church this past weekend, has set me back on firm footing. Well, not the retreat, but the Lord, of course, has done this kindness. I almost backed out of it, since when I had agreed to go weeks ago, I didn’t realize I’d have so much trouble with my schooling. For three days, I determined to spend time getting to know the ladies and being still before the Lord. I came away with a fresh sense of God’s forgiveness and mercy, but now I have a project due at school and am struggling against fear and anxiety.
But, the Lord says that He will provide for His children. I’m not presuming on His grace by trusting in His provision. I will work hard and be diligent in my studies, but by His grace, I will not leave off spending time with the Lord again! I will seek Him first, trusting in Him to direct my steps and to be my Provider. Lord, grant me to learn what I need to learn. May I not get into the snare of the fear of man and let my pride get the best of me. May I ask questions when I don’t understand, and not try to appear to know more than I do, but rather to trust You with all of the outcomes.